It’s just thoughts that role’s around in my head.

If I wasn’t so much like myself then I bet you’d love me.
If only you didn’t break my heart in the past we’d still be together, and if you didn’t hurt me so, then I’d be compelled to take you back. But you did break my heart, and it did hurt so much. The hurt was so extreme that words could not explain it. I named it the feeling of nothing, it’s named that because it’s a pain so intense that you try to scream and all that comes out is a quiet whisper, much the same ratio as freezing cold breath in the icy sum-zero depths of Antarctica.

I am always going to remember you, but not as the perfect person you use to be, but as an important piece in my huge puzzle that is me, or possibly a pawn in the game of chess that we call life. My life consists of a lot of love and maybe that why you left me to wonder alone in the cold heartless world. Maybe looking after me and showing affection was just too hard for you to commit to. Or then again maybe I expected too much from you, like faithfulness, trust, devotion and acceptance. All I wanted was a part in you life that was for ‘us’, not so much that it would put you out of your life-style, but enough time to call ‘our own’. Moments that we spend together, laughing and taking long walks in the park, kicking crisp, dehydrated, autumn leaves from the cold dirty gutters, where the rain had captured them as they laze in pile’s of thousands also un-accepted, ready to be washed away and never thought of again. . .

I tend to find that I only think of you when it rains. As I’m positioned still as a dead night I hear and see the rain gracefully falling from the heavens above landing without a care on anything and everything that happens to be in the path of the peaceful droplets, then this overwhelming feeling seems to run through my body and soul, sending quivers vibrating each vertebrae downs my spin as the memories come rushing back to me like a stampede of wild animals.